NYC Dream - By Request

So, when I lived in NYC, Astoria, Queens actually, I had another dream sort of like the one I had a few night ago, only in this dream, there was one girl and I couldn't shake this for days. In fact, I thought for sure I would run into this girl on the subway, the bus or just walking around. It's been 9 years since this dream and I remember it like it was yesterday.

I was teaching and had gone to bed before my partner. I got up from the couch, brushed my teeth and said to her "don't forget to turn the light off when you come to bed" and then I went to bed.

In my dream I was sitting on the couch and sitting next to me was a girl, about 6, small, slight and with very very pale skin. So pale in fact that you could see her veins through her skin as if her skin was paper thin. Her hair was long, not very thick and hung just past her shoulders in that typical straight banged little girl haircut. She was wearing a blue dress, white tights and black mary janes and she was looking straight ahead, not saying anything. The light by the couch (the same one I asked my partner to turn off) was on.

In fact we were both looking straight ahead, out the window, which had a view of the street and neither one of us spoke. I was not afraid, I was very calm. Then, I remember we turned to each other at the same time, and smiled at each other. Very warm and sincere smiles. Then the girl went back to looking out the window.

I stood up from the couch and then woke up. But when I woke up, the light in the living room was on, and that scared me. I woke my partner and said "why didn't you turn the light off", she said "I did". I said "well it's on, I didn't turn it on" and she insisted that she turned it off. I became very upset (as things were rocky between us) and started insisting loudly that she left the light on, that she must have left the light on, because I didn't so why was it on?

We came to the conclusion that I slept walked and turned it on. I'm really not sure if I did, I don't know. But I know this...I remember that girl and I even now, I swear, I'm going to turn the corner and she'll be there.

Dreams - Open for Interpretation

Last night I had the strangest dream. (sing it with me) In light of recent life events that have taken place, my sleep has been mediocre at best with me waking every few hours thinking that it's time to start my day only to see that it's 3:37 or 2:48 in the morning.

But last night, I had a dream that was so vivid, so clear that I woke up to make sure I was still in my bed. This is the second time that I've had a dream like this where I can remember every detail. The first time this happened I lived in NYC and to this day, I can remember that dream and that was 9 years ago.

It was a short dream, but very powerful and went like this:

I was walking through a house carrying a pink (yes pink) recliner type chair on my head, only the chair was upside down so that the cushion rested on my head and the arms came down to my ears. I was balancing it with my hands. It was sorta of dark in this house, more like hazy, just like it gets before the sun goes down for the evening. I saw a man and I said "can I use your door?" and the man's voice said "no". I remember in my dream walking toward the door anyway and saying "I work for the government" and kept walking slowly and methodically toward the door.

I went through the door, not remembering if I had opened it or not but it was a very easy transition and I still had the chair on my head. I ended up on a landing of sorts and on the landing were 3 young girls, very small, all dressed in blue, all with dark hair but their faces looked bloated and funny. Not grotesquely bloated but bloated and they had string wrapped tight around their necks, like shoelaces and I started to panic in my dream and kept saying "what are you doing, what are you doing over and over. The whole time the chair was still on my head.

And all at once, in unison the girls said "we're waiting, we're next".

My eyes popped open and I sat up, grabbed my cell phone for light from the screen and scanned my room to make sure I was in bed, in my bed, and I was.

I couldn't go back to sleep because my mind started racing.

And that was my night. Any comments, thoughts on the dream, anything would be helpful and if you're interested, I'll tell you about the NYC dream too. Just let me know.

Swirling In My Head

So...here I sit in South Florida, getting ready to go back to Atlanta. I was here 2 months and the company decided to eliminate my position. To add insult to injury the severance I was offered was laughable and no, relocation expenses were not given. It was more a "thank you, fuck you, see you later". On the upside I do have my apartment in Atlanta, but I'm not looking forward to going back, at all.

I told my gf, with whom I share this apartment, that I lost my job and had to return to Atlanta. This was literally after the weekend she came to visit. I expected her to be excited about my return, and encouraging about finding new work. I mean sure, things will be tight in the finance department but I've weathered worse. Funny thing about weathering the storms, it's always easier when you know you have the support of someone who loves you.

You know that feeling that you get, when you just know, you just know that something doesn't seem right. You might tear up for no apparent reason, you have trouble sleeping and blame it on other things, you "zone out", but in your soul you know that the person you love is becoming more distant from you and you're really not sure how to stop it and you're really not sure you want too, not this time.

She cried when I told her that I was coming back and I mistook this for her being relieved that I was returning. I couldn't have been further from the truth. I said "why are you crying, we'll be ok." She said "I really liked living by myself." Do you hear that silence...that heart pounding in your ears silence. Good, then you know how I felt. She said "I love you and I want to be with you but I really like living alone." How can that be? How can you say that to someone, that you love them and want to be with them, but you like living alone?

"Then why did you come here to live with me to begin with"? And I heard a lot of "I don't knows" in the course of that conversation, while I tried to keep my brain from numbing, so that I could ask questions that I desperately wanted answers too. I noticed the "love you's" had stopped after phone calls and that her voice seemed flat and emotionless and I recalled some of the things she said to me in the past such as telling me "your breath stinks" or "your have beady eyes" and "stop looking at me, you're scaring me". When I would lean in for a kiss, or just look at her admiringly. Who says that to someone they claim to love? She never said an unkind thing to me when we first met, never, and I never to her and I still won't.

I am not looking forward to driving home, to a home where I'll feel like a stranger. She even made the comment that she "guesses she'll make room in the closet for my things again." (I don't have that many things and the closet's a good 8 feet long and 4 feet wide or bigger).

I love her but my love is waning more and more rapidly and yet I become physically ill when I think about going home and it shouldn't be that way.

Afghanistan Women’s and Children's Clinic

I'm posting this for a friend. Make a donation, send it around to your friends, POST it on your blogs.

I am writing this letter on behalf of the Afghanistan Women’s and Children's Clinic in the Paktika province. The Clinic began when 3 female soldiers (myself included) became concerned about the plight of the local children and women to receive medical care. In the remote region of Afghanistan, where the clinic is located, there are was only one local Afghan female to treat all the women in the province. We began to go over to the local all female clinic 3 days a week and work for a few hours delivering free medical care and training to the mid-wife.


This effort is not funded by the military and we do this in our spare time. We get all of our medical supplies as well as medicines and humanitarian aid (shoes, clothes, etc) from donations. We rely solely on these donations to keep the clinic up and running. Everything that we get goes directly to the patients. With over 70% of the population living in poverty, they couldn't afford medical treatment even if they desperately needed it.



We treat both females and children and operate with an all female staff, as women and girls are not allowed to be seen by male doctors. Many of the children that come in are severely malnourished and are in need of baby formula and food. Most of the time, the mother is either dead or can't produce breast milk. The locals have no way in which to purchase baby formula and no where to buy it from.


I was hoping that your company would either be willing to donate some baby formula and other baby items or allow me to purchase them at a reduced cost.



Thank you in advance for your consideration into this matter and any help that you can offer. If you would like to see the hard work we have been doing and the children which will be receiving the baby formula, you can visit my website:
http://afghanwomensclinic.wordpress.com/


Thank you!
Sgt. Michelle Johnson
FOB Waza Khwa, Afghanistan

Florida Foliage

Just some foliage right outside my front and back door. I don't know the proper names for any of them, aside from the Palm, but all grow wild.

Boca Photos

Looking out onto Deerfield Beach, which is literally 15 minutes from where I live.



Pelican on the Pier. I was close enough that I could have touched it.



Ocean from the Deerfield Pier



View from the boat of a sailboat on the Intracoastal in Ft. Lauderdale.



This home, on the Intracoastal was bought by a man from the Otis Elevator family. It was a gift to his fiance. He became very ill and lost his sight because of it and the fiance left him because of it. The home now sits for sale.



End of the day. One of the may yachts on the water. Ft. Lauderdale is the yacht capital of the world.



Life's "ruff" for a puppy in Boca!

In Boca

Ok so I'm officially in Boca Raton and I've done a lot of cool things thus far and I will post pictures when I get my usb cord because I managed to leave THAT in Atlanta. But I've seen some cool stuff and let me just say this...cruise ships look big on TV, they are HUGE when you're on a boat that's maybe 100 feet away and the homes and yachts that SINGLE FAMILIES own, let's just say I can't fathom that much house, that much boat or that much money. Granted a lot of them were for sale, but still.

We rode by a house that was purchased by a man who is part of the Otis Elevator family. He bought it as a home that he and his soon to be wife could live in, it was a gift to her. The story goes that he became sick with a serious illness and it caused him to go blind. His soon to be wife, left him because of that and the home is now up for sale. (I'll post a photo of it soon).

At any rate, I've been having a good time, enjoying the local culture, wanting to go fishing, go to Miami, Key West, etc. The people have been friendly for the most part, but I know no matter where you go, you'll encounter jerks.

I'll post more later, just wanted to give y'all an update.